Friday, September 17, 2010

A new overhaul

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Lately I'm thinking what I am going to do with my blog.

I started it initially to warn the world about the horrors of Dutch prostitution. Especially regarding forced prostitution.

Then I started to doubt. Is the Dutch sex industry really so bad? Perhaps prostitution is a lovely job, and all those forced prostitutes are really just jealous girls who turn their boyfriends over to the police after he went with another girl. Or, they are so ashamed about making the choice of working in the sex industry that they tell others they had been forced to do it.

Also, my strong suspicion is, after reading through much material about the Dutch sex industry that the supposed forced prostitutes are mainly Eastern European, African or are young Dutch women who work in window prostitution. Avoid these groups and you can assure yourself of having a very small chance of encountering a forced prostitute.

Also knowing that working in prostitution doesn't have any negative effects on your emotional well-being, I decided that perhaps I could just go to a brothel and enjoy myself. Why not?

This overturns the whole purpose of my blog, so I should really think what I should do with it.

Perhaps the motto of the blog should be: "musings of a Dutch punter who can't find girlfriend and who is sexually frustrated and goes to prostitutes and is afraid that girl is forced, but now knows how to avoid forced girls"

Something like that.

Or : "musings by a Dutch loser, who can't find a girlfriend, decided to visit prostitutes, discovered that some prostitutes are forced, wanted to avoid forced prostitutes, discovered that all prostitutes are forced, thought he could change the world, wanted to warn the world about the Dutch sex industry, doubted about his initial conclusions, starts to visit prostitutes again, and concludes that sex is rape, and describes in detail his adventures with prostitutes."

Something like that.

I think I will use that.

But to turn again to the idea that sex is rape. Do I really believe that? No, I don't. But, I'm disappointed about casual sex. I do believe that sex without intimacy must be very boring. Perhaps sex combined with kissing and cuddling would be nice. I do feel that fucking the one you love doggystyle is really embarassing, let alone a prostitute. Just like masturbating inside another person's body. Really demeaning. So I have to think about this when I visit prostitutes again. Problem is, that this is the only position I can manage. Or she sits on top of me, but I noticed that some prostitutes have difficulties with this position because it is to physically demanding for them.

Furthermore, I wanted to say something again. I do get angry messages from people who believe that working in prostitution is very traumatizing. I just have to keep on stressing that this is simply not true. For evidence, go to this post:
no link between working in prostitution and stress

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Happy happy joy!

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I couldn't help it!

I was in trance!

Suddenly I found myself in a club in Amsterdam. The club was more expensive than I thought. You have to pay 300 Euros for an hour.

I was very nervous as usual. My bowels kept troubling me. I sat behind a bar sipping a beer. There were three women in the bar. The club had justed opened their doors before I went in. We were the only ones there except for the barkeeper. It was theme-night that evening: playboy-night. In this case the women had bunny ears on their heads and bunny tails on their behinds. They asked me if these were okay. I found them nice, but the ears looked a bit cheapish, like plastic. These things turned out to have been bought that very same day.

The barkeeper told me that the women weren't allowed to go towards me, I had to do that myself, or signal the barkeeper. I went over and sat next to a Dutch women aged 29. She was very friendly. She offered me to drink champagne. Those bottles would have cost me 200 Euro, 500 Euro, etc.... I refused. I immediately asked I we could go upstairs. She said she would be very happy! After I paid, I asked to go to the toilet first. She said there's one in the rooms anyway, so I could go there.

I was very nervous. When we went into the room I stumbled over a platform which was part of the large bath-tub. I went to the toilet and I noticed that my intestines were stuck, and nothing came out! :( Oh what the hell.

She talked animatedly. She found me very nervous and shy. Almost like a 17-year-old boy. We went into the bath tub. It took ages before it was full. I think it takes an hour before it is really completely full. We stayed in the bath tub for a while and talked a lot. She asked me about girlfriends and such, and was surprised that I never had one. She said she has a new boyfriend and proudly showed a tattoo on her leg with his name on it. I said: "then you must be really in love!". :D

She has been active in the sex industry for a very long time, 11 years. In the past also on the Zandpad in Utrecht, later in Yab Yum. She asked me if I liked kinky stuff, like anal toys on me. For 50 Euro extra she lets herself be licked on the pussy. I didn't want that.

When we left the bath-tub and went to bed. She warned me to be careful not to slip. That sometimes happens, although she said that she wished that to happen to some men. She also warned me not to become startled because of the Jaccuzi which could suddenly blow after a while.

She first gave me a blowjob. My bowels became active again! The sex was boring as usual. I just cannot get into it. The only thing I like is doggystyle, which was nice, but there's no real difference with just masturbating and thinking about fucking doggystyle. She warned me to be careful, because she hadn't worked for a week. She is tighter then. Doggystyle is difficult for her, because the male organ can enter very deeply and bump against her uterus, that hurts a lot! I said to her that many women are afraid to tell their boyfriends or husbands when they feel pain. She told me that she always says it when she feels pain.

I stroked the area just above her behind, while doing doggystyle. She said that tickled. I asked about the white spot on her lower back. She told me that's because of the sunbed. That's the spot where she lies on, so the bloodflow is lesser in that area which causes it to become less brown than the rest of her body. She didn't like me touching that area, so she offered me to fuck her with me on top and her on her back. I also asked her what she actually feels when men fuck her. She said that honestly she only feels something when she is fucked by her boyfriend. She found it funny that we were talking while we were fucking. At the end we went to doggystyle again. The Jacuzzi went on again, and this time it was she who had a fright!

After we were done we dressed up again, and she put back on her bunny ears. She again asked if they looked well! I told her that this must be very important to her! We went to the bar-area again and we talked for a long while. That was very nice. Some girls listened to our conversation. Some men came in and they turned out to know each other. She said to me: "partners in crime!"

After a while we hugged and then she went to sit somewhere else so she could give the impression to men she was free. I stayed in the club for a while. Just sightseeing. I could see other women come into the bar. Also some clients, but they didn't do much except to talk to each other. And then I left and I was escorted to the door by her and the barkeeper. The barkeeper said something like: "see you next time, boy".

Later I found out that only a third of what you pay in that club goes to the women. That isn't very different from the poor camgirls who usually only get a quarter. On the other, this could be simply solved by bringing in some extra 100 Euro cash. That way it will become 50%-50%.

It seems that I have really become the average punter! Perpaps I should be happy with it. :) But I should keep my bank account in check.

And I notice that the best part of visiting a prostitute is simply to talk. Sex is nice, but boring. I really begin to wonder, if there aren't ways to talk to women without paying 300 Euro?! I have to figure this out.

Talking to women is really nice!

But I already knew that.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Review: John Davies

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And now, a new book review.

‘My name is not Natasha’ - How Albanian Women in France Use Trafficking to Overcome Social Exclusion (1998-2001)
written by John Davies (Amsterdam University Press, Amsterdam 2009)

You can download it here:
http://dare.uva.nl/document/138910

I have read this book from start to finish. John Davies has thoroughly researched several dozens of Albanian prostitutes who work the streets of Lyon, in the period between 1998 and 2001. Although it doesn’t pertain to prostitution in the Netherlands, it could give some basic ideas how at least some forced prostitution works. There never have been many Albanian prostitutes in the Netherlands, but in Belgium close by, there have been a great number there, and Patsy Sörensen and Chris de Stoop can attest to that.

The research methods of John Davies are daring, you might even wonder if he shouldn’t have warned the police more often, but because the local police often treat the women very badly (seeing them mainly as illegal immigrants who should be expelled as soon as possible), he made the decision not to involve them too much.

The research by John Davies is unique in its kind in that I have never read about a researcher who has so closely and so thoroughly followed a group of women who were clearly being coerced or heavily emotionally manipulated to work in prostitution. Mostly stories by forced prostitutes are told after the ordeal was over, and there is no verification by other sources. So, basically, how painful that may seem, everybody can make up a story how he or she was forced to work in prostitution in the past. The case has even been made that prostitutes simply tell these stories because they are so ashamed that they do this work that they tell others they have been forced to do this, or that jealous prostitutes denounce their adulterous boyfriend to the police as human traffickers.

But John Davies’ research is different. He could follow the prostitutes over a long period of time, and while talking to the women he could also back up their stories, most importantly by also interviewing the men who escorted the women. And what the women tell and what the men tell doesn’t contradict each other.

John Davies divides the women into two groups. The ‘married’ women, and the ‘divorced’ women (it must be noted that married and divorced in Albania doesn’t necessarily mean that this happened officially).

The married women and their relationship with their lovers looks a lot like what we in the Netherlands call the relationship between some Dutch prostitutes and their ‘loverboys’. The women often believe that they will build a future together with their lovers by working in prostitution, not knowing or realizing that they have been tricked and that their lover spends the money on other things like gambling and cars and that he hangs out with other women or even has other women working in prostitution for him, who also believe that they are building up a future with him by working in prostitution. It is striking that John Davies explains this phenomenon by pointing towards the patriarchal culture in Albania which only appoints a certain status to a woman within a married relationship with a man, and in which violence is seen as normal. In this, prostitution was seen by the Albanian women as merely fulfilling the legitimate purpose of providing for the needs of the family. The men could use a system of control where they let the women keep an eye on each other and report news to them. This control was very effective, the men didn’t have to be with the women 100% of the time. I have heard and read about this system used by pimps. It could also explain why you see relatively so few suspicious men in the window prostitution areas in the Netherlands, although it could be that they monitor the women from indoors or by walking around and acting like tourists or clients.

The divorced women are somewhat older women who became socially excluded in Albania, mainly because of their divorce and consequent expulsion by the family. These women wanted to escape this situation by leaving Albania by every means possible. These women heard about Albanian women who were forced to work in prostitution abroad, and so they reasoned, if that’s the way to leave Albania than this is a reasonable solution, so they approached human traffickers. Generally these women hope to eventually escape the human traffickers and find a local man that they can marry. I believe that these women turn the whole idea of consent on its head. You would think that nobody consents to be exploited in forced labour or be tortured or raped, but it turns out that if one is desperate everything goes. The control that the men had over the divorced women was not as strong compared to the married women, because the women didn’t trust these men in the first place. Usually they worked on a 50%-50% contract basis. John Davies explains (on page 68) that:
the per cent contract was a bonded-labour contract supposedly agreed to for a certain period of time. However, the contracts were subject to varied reinterpretation by the [men], who would often demand extortionate interest on sums supposedly owed because minimum payments had not been made. The [men] would also demand extension of the contracts if they arbitrarily decided that they had not received adequate compensation during the agreed period of the contract. As such the non-wives were clearly being constrained into a forced labour situation, which made them trafficked people; the wives did not have such contracts as their remittances to the [men] were dictated by the obligation conditional to their marriage.
John Davies noticed that in the beginning of his research, the married women were in the majority. But the women slowly realized their situation, that they were merely being tricked, and they slowly set themselves free from these men. Gradually divorced women exceeded the married women in numbers.

It is difficult to say if the Albanian women researched by John Davies are representative to all forced prostitutes. I hear an echo in a TAMPEP report (TAMPEP – final report – June 95/June 96) of a long time ago. I like to quote extensively from that TAMPEP-report (this quote pertaining to mainly window prostitution areas in the Netherlands):
The women are brought up in a traditional patriarchal society where the man is the dominant factor. At the same time, communism has given women the opportunity and access to a higher education. In fact, in Poland for example, there are more women with a tertiary education than men. So, if the financial need arises, they often take the initiative to look for new chances, but due to the poor economic state of their home countries, many of the more ambitious women leave for the West and consequently end up in the sex-business because prostitutes are always in high demand everywhere. At the same time, the women stay psychologically dependent upon men, because their emancipation is not a result of a long process of gaining independence and becoming self-assertive but actually restricts itself only to the professional field. This is why Polish, Ukrainian and Russian women are almost always in the power of pimps (in most cases their own countrymen) and why they so often depend upon others to the extent that they become victims of trafficking or other forms of exploitation by these men.
Another reason why the East European women are so often victims of trafficking is their total naïvetée and blindness. It seems that these persons did not have much opportunity to develop any self-defence mechanism. The housing shortage forces many youngsters to stay with their parents, thus blocking the way to independence. This way they lead overprotected lives and may not be able to experience the harsh facts of their culture. [you can see a more complete quote in the post about Eastern European prostitutes]
John Davies’ study shows there is some truth in the idea that human trafficking is caused by governments treating immigrants as criminals. So perhaps the social exclusion can be lessened by legalizing immigration, which could weaken the grip of people who want to exploit immigrants.

More discoveries: Albanian women falsely claiming to be Kosovar refugees and thus gaining status as asylum seekers. And, real victims of human trafficking making up stories of human trafficking and then denouncing a fictitious pimp to the police! And, victims of human trafficking wanting to avoid special shelters for victims of human trafficking because they want to avoid being known as prostitutes.

I can end my book review by citing endless quotes, but everyone can download the book for free anyway, so read it ..... and weep (!).

I catch myself that I seem happy after reading this book. I was right all along! (or there is a tacit believe within me that women can never choose to work in prostitution or like sex in the first place)

So, after all, there is human trafficking, even after extensive research on a specific group of prostitutes. I think that John Davies’ could also fully explain once again why victims of human trafficking are hardly found by police inspectors and researchers. The simple answer is: the prostitutes see the human traffickers as their friends, so, obviously they won’t denounce them or tell bad stories about them .... after a one-hour interview.

But I knew this all along.