Friday, July 30, 2010

Pain

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Lately Lately I wondered how prostitutes deal with pain, because many women in general experience pain during sex. I realized that I knew the answer all along! I just have to dig in my memory better. And here it is:

I never thought this would happen to me - Prostitution and traffic in Latin American women in The Netherlands (Fanny Polanía Molina and Marie-Louise Janssen, 1998). Thérèse van der Helm is interviewed in this book. She worked for the Area Health Authority (GG&GD) in Amsterdam as an assistent responsible for the prevention of venereal diseases among prostitutes. I quote her (page 69):

As to the health situation, that's satisfactory, so the women can go on with their work as usual. However, they often complain about pains. When asked how exactly they have sex, they reply that they do it in ten minutes for 12.50 dollars. Those are very fast screws indeed: legs upright in the air, while the customer is banging about, finished in ten minutes. Anybody would be affected by stomach pain, undoubtedly. They ought to do it with their legs down, being the woman, the one who determines the rhythm. Because as soon as the woman feels pain in her stomach, she thinks she has contracted a venereal disease and starts taking antibiotics, that are for sale everywhere. But that's not necessary; it's just because they are doing it so roughly. That's why we say to them: legs down when you are having sex! They all complain of pains in the abdomen, without any certainty that it's to do with an infection, but simply backache. But apart from that, they're healthy enough to keep on doing their job.

Okay, according to van der Helm all prostitutes have pain in the abdomen. So that's the answer! They all have pain.

Now I have to reconsider my decision of visiting prostitutes again. I was too focused on human trafficking. In my opinion it is not good to hurt a person. And having sex with a prostitute will almost certainly hurt the prostitute. Perhaps the Golden Rule should be applied here: "one should not treat others in ways one would not like to be treated". So, I don't want others to inflict pain on me, so I shouldn't do that to others.

That means not visiting prostitutes.

Visiting prostitutes is BAD.

I am a really bad man. :'(

I will not visit prostitutes again.

(I have to notice that what Therésè van der Helm says about that nearly all prostitutes complain about pain only refers to windows prostitutes who at that time received a large number of clients per day. Nowadays this number is much lower, and above all, for prostitutes in clubs the number of clients per day is more like 1-3. Perhaps pain for these women is less of a problem. But, better be safe then sorry. For now, I don't visit prostitutes anymore.)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Dark Side

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Lately, I acted out my plan of visiting the sex work place that I ogled earlier.

When I entered the sex work place, it turned out to be very well visited that evening, and only one sex worker was left for me, which luckily turned out to be the sex worker I ogled earlier when I watched the sex work place website. Because the sex work place was so well visited, no rooms were left, so we had to wait. That was interesting because I could see other sex workers enter the living room. Sometimes they looked at me, with a look of contempt.

Then came the time when a room was vacant, and the sex worker that I chose and I could go to that room. From the beginning it was immediately clear that the sex worker didn't like me at all. She treated me with disdain. I thought: "oh-ooooh".

Hardly a glance was granted to me. She remained silent. I asked from which city she came. She came from The Hague. She by the way was Dutch and I estimate her age to be roughly 30.

Above the bed was a television which played sex work films from the local sex work channel ('Private Spice'). These films were supposed to stimulate the sex work in me. She asked me if I wanted poppers. I refused. She asked me if I wanted a blowjob without condom. I have to admit that I considered it, because under normal conditions I'm against this. When she said that this costed 50 Euros extra, I declined. I asked her if she didn't find this dangerous, she said that this was no more dangerous than licking.

Despite being treated with disdain, I can say that I haven't had better sex in my life. It was very funny, because I was in a constant state of orgasm. She had the hottest body, and above all, the hottest ass. Sex-working her doggystyle and to be inside her was awesome. When we switched to the missionary position I was delighted because for the first time I could actually do it. I had an orgasm when she was on top of me.

After this, the sex worker asked with an edgy voice if I wanted a drink THIS TIME (which I refused earlier on), which was okay for me, and she brought me a drink. Then she gave me a massage.

With a kiss I left.

This event left me with mixed feelings. On the one hand I was treated badly. This sex worker doesn't like her work at all. On the other hand, I have had the best sex in my life!!!!! Sex can be cool after all!!!!

I think I have to reverse my idea that having porn with a sex worker is the same as having sex with your lover. The difference at least is that your lover doesn't despise you (I hope). I must admit, that I finally have joined the dark side, that is the pro-sex work position. This is the position which defends the idea that it is okay to do the most horrendous things to a person, as long as that person made the unfortunate mistake of consenting to undergo these things. I can't help it, I'm a very bad person. :'(

I think I will continue visiting sex workers.

But now for something completely different. It is about the discovery I made some time ago that sex for women who don't do sex work can be a pain in the ass too!!!

Dutch sexologist (read: pornologist) Rick van Lunsen gave an interview to HP/De Tijd (16 July 2010). What he says shows that Kathleen Barry is right in saying that the line between sex between lovers, sex between sex workers and rape is blurring. Actually it doesn't matter if you have sex with a sex worker, because your lover suffers too ...... in silence :'( . I translate a part of the interview in Dutch:
What is the influence of feminism on the sexual experience of the modern woman?
"Good question, because I worry a lot about women. They have the inclination as a lover to strive towards a perfection that is not good. They ignore themselves completely to seemingly be able to sexually function perfectly. They let their labia be made smaller, shave off each little hair, and God knows what else they do. Only to satisfy their lover."
Isn't that allowed then?
"Yes, but it becomes strange when you sacrifice your own sexual development to the wishes of the other. 57 percent of all girls aged 15 to 25 years often or always have pain during sexual intercourse. So they don't get aroused, their vaginas don't lubricate. Then intercourse is a painful matter."
Remarkable.
"Yes, because they read magazines that weekly write about relationships and about sex, they are brought up by mothers who have been born in the middle of the sexual revolution. You would expect that these girls know what they want and how."
From what kinds of environments do these girls come from?
"The complaint about pain during intercourse you often see among young, white, highly educated girls. Whole year classes I get on my consulting-hours"
You mean the hockey girls, the girls from the students' corps?
"Precisely, these"
But how come that they are so submissive then?
"They simply don't communicate. Girls don't tell the boys what their wishes are, their boundaries and their desires. And boys hardy ever ask about that. Apparently both haven't learned that from home."


By the way, it seems to be that he exaggerates a little bit. The number 57% of women aged 15-25 who often or always have pain during intercourse should in reality be 11% (if you read the original report). 57% in total feel pain during sex, often or sometimes. The source is page 63 of:
Seks onder je 25e - Seksuele gezondheid van jongeren in Nederland anno 2005 (Hanneke de Graaf, Suzanne Meijer, Jos Poelman, Ine Vanwesenbeeck, 2005)

I wonder how sex workers cope with pain during sex with their clients, because if many normal young women struggle with pain during intercourse then the same must be true for sex workers.

Another interesting piece of data from the same report (page 108): (of boys and girls younger than 25) 1% of the girls and 2% of the boys have been paid for sex. 57% of the girls who were paid for sex (8 of every 1000 girls) had been forced or persuaded to do this and 14% came to the idea themselves. 30% of the boys who were paid for sex came to the idea themselves and of 53% of the boys somebody else came to the idea but they liked it anyway. In total 4 of every 1000 boys have been forced or persuaded to be paid for sex. And regarding forced sex in general (page 108): 4,2% of the boys have forced and 17.8% of the girls have been forced to have sex once. These numbers rise to 4,6% and 24,7% for boys and girls respectively in the age group 21-24.

The sample in this report contained 2382 boys and 2439 girls. So, it must be noticed that 8 out of 1000 girls (who are forced or pushed) means 20 girls, so that means 34 girls in total who have been paid for sex. For boys these numbers are 10 boys who are pushed. The numbers are not big, so the large percentage who are forced or pushed could be a coincidence. But still very interesting! It is another proof to me that forced prostitution is not a myth.

I'm wondering more and more if visiting prostitutes was a bad idea after all. :'(

(Believe me, I know what I'm doing, I only visit Dutch prostitutes who don't work in window prostitution, because forced Dutch prostitutes are heavily concentrated in window prostitution. So I visit Dutch prostitutes who work in clubs)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Column 2

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Anonymous has written a comment which I found so well-written that I decided to post it here, so everybody will read it who visits my site. I don't know if she (he?) is the same anonymous as here. Now her comment:
I agree. I do not believe human trafficking to be a myth, however fashionable this view seems to be becoming. Trafficking exists and pimping and coercion exist, but equally migrant (and domestic) sex workers are not essentially and universally victims in themselves. Some are and will suffer horror; some are not.
That all prostitutes are victims by definition, I believe is not correct.

I have not read anything by Jo Doezema, but Laura Agustín’s assertion that trafficking and pimping are so rare as to be of no significance, is wrong.
Agustín writes with a clarity and lucidity rare in this field, and much of what she says is believable and resonant. Her insistence that the sex industry is highly diverse, and that its entrants whether migrant or local bring their own goals and desires rather than simply being passive, is important. Her assertion that some women choose to sell sex and choose to remain in prostitution as the best option open to them, I find persuasive.
It is not an easy choice for most women to enter sex work, but an individual woman might consider it the best option as a solution to her problems. Undoubtedly, more money can be earned selling sex than most jobs open to a migrant, many of which are very low paid and also (but differently) exploitative.

Further, Agustín raises important issues and conflicts of interest in what she terms the “rescue industry”. Some organisations exploit “sex trafficking” and its impact in the media for their own abolitionist ends. This inbuilt distortion has manifested itself in a number of unbalanced reports, and in the claim that sex trafficking is a universal experience for all sex workers.
Counterbalancing these are the academic reports prepared by pro-legalisation activists, which dismiss trafficking and coercion. These reports too are often little more than tools of political lobbying. There is much conflicting evidence…

Agustín seems to see attempts to control prostitution as the repression of individualism. But individualism is a harsh process, with winners and losers. Her “caveat emptor” approach to migration seems hard indeed.

In seeking to dispel the myth of prostitute women as universal victims of circumstance and far worse, she creates her own myth of universality: that of happy, empowered self-actualising individuals who have taken control of their lives and benefited, where pimping is a thing of the past and trafficking unreal and imagined. She seems content to ignore suffering which is incompatible with this.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Reset

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Okay, I lately said that human trafficking was just a myth. That women who say they are forced are just ashamed because of the stigma and then say that they are forced while actually they liked their job and their clients a lot. Or that women who say that they are forced by their boyfriends or husbands are just jealous because he went away with another woman/prostitute and then they say he forced them, while actually that is not true, because they are just jealous.

RESET

Think ...... !

I have to rewind and read again what I wrote myself years ago. That prostitutes will NEVER EVER admit that they are coerced AT THE MOMENT that you ask them. but..... MANY say they have been coerced IN THE PAST.

The funny thing is that over the years the percentage of prostitutes who say they have been coerced in the past is dropping. So in an earlier sample the percentage was over 40% ,then it drops to 29%, then to 23% and then to 8%. And that in a time span of perhaps 20 years.

So there is human trafficking in the Netherlands. And I don't believe that all the women just lie.

Human trafficking is not a myth. Laura Agustín and Jo Doezema are wrong.

There's only no way to find out the true size because prostitutes throw up smoke screens all the time. Is the drop from 30-40% to 8% a sign that human trafficking is decreasing in the Netherlands? No, because it only pertains to group who admit they have been coerced in the past, it doesn't say anything about the total number of prostitutes who ARE coerced at that moment.

Perhaps it's true that coercion in prostiution is becoming less of a problem over the years. But these numbers I gave do prove that at least at on period in time in the Netherlands many prostitutes were affected by it.

As an explantation why a much lower percentage of prostitutes seems to have been coerced nowadays, perhaps the main cause is that men in the Netherlands seem to be visiting prostitutes far less often. It has been noticed often nowadays that there are a lower number of prostitutes in the Netherlands and that they receive a much lower number of clients. While it was not unusual for a window prostitute in the early nineties to receive between 10 and 20 clients a day, this seems to be very rare nowadays. From what I know the average number of clients a prostitute receives per day has halved. So I think there's simply much less to win for wrong-doers who want to force their girlfriend, wife or any other woman in prostitution. Why the hassle if your girlfriend only has one client a day at best, and earns only 40 Euro a day? You might as well force her to work behind a counter then. What the future will bring us I don't know. I hope the situation will further improve, but we'll never now. Perhaps that the prostitution market will improve and more men will visit prostitutes, which will also cause evil pimps to push more women in prostitution.

And ..... I also learned that I desperately need to rewire all the links on my blog, because most went dead. Actually, that's too big of a hassle, so I trust that people can use a search engine and find the reports themselves.

The text after this is from an older post, it is good to reread it:
Dutch prostitutes, drugs and labour conditions
Lets look more carefully at numbers. Numbers don’t lie (I hope). I hold the Scharlaken Koord in high regard. If they say that 87% of the Dutch prostitutes on de Wallen have been forced or manipulated into prostitution, then I believe them. There are other numbers available from different researches, they give a more broader picture of prostitutes in general, other types of prostitutes are researched. The results of these researches yield much lower percentages of the (Dutch) prostitutes who have previously been forced or manipulated into prostitution. I’ll show an example, around the same period the Scharlaken Koord made their sample on de Wallen (in 2002) Liesbeth Venicz and Ine Vanwesenbeeck researched prostitutes in the Netherlands as a whole in the report: Er gaat iets veranderen in de prostitutie (2000, Liesbeth Venicz, Ine Vanwesenbeeck) ['Something is going to change in prostitution']. Almost a quarter of the prostitutes in this research (24 of 105) indicated that they initially had been forced into prostitution (page 19). It has to be admitted though that forced prostitutes (who still worked in prostitution) didn’t want to cooperate with this interview so this estimate is probably an underestimate. They had interviewed 105 female prostitutes of whom 22 worked in window-prostitution. 62 were born in the Netherlands from Dutch parents, 17 were born in the Netherlands from foreign parents, and 26 were born abroad.
Also foreign prostitutes had been interviewed in this research, but they found no strong correlation between forced prostitution and ethnicity or being foreign (but beware that they interviewed only a small number of foreign prostitutes, the Pearson's product-moment correlation coefficient was r=0,09, see table 3.4 on page 22).

Okay, when you compare the quarter of the (Dutch) prostitutes in general with the 87% of the Dutch prostitutes on de Wallen who initially had been forced in prostitution then it becomes clear that it indeed seems to be true that human trafficking is much more common among Dutch prostitutes in window-prostitution than for Dutch prostitution who don’t work in window-prostitution. But then it has to be said that I compare statistics which were acquired by different methodologies. I assume that the Scharlaken Koord also contacted Dutch women who were still under the control of their pimp, whilst in the study of Vanwesenbeeck and Venicz those prostitutes didn’t cooperate. So the quarter of these prostitutes who were initially forced into prostitution could be in reality much higher, especially if you know that according to some sources probably most Dutch prostitutes are controlled by pimps (Essy van Dijk in “mensenhandel in Nederland”). So the comparisons between these statistics aren’t very useful.

Also in other studies prostitutes had been asked if they had been (or previously had been) forced into prostitution. Two of such studies are described in "Prostitutes' well-being and risk" by Ine Vanwesenbeeck (1994). In one of these two studies, the 'protective behavior'-study, 28,9% of 127 women were previously forced (see Appendix 5.11, page 207). In this study also many foreign women were interviewed, 16% came from other Western countries and 28% from non-Western countries (table 4.1, page 68). In the other study, the "coping and well-being"-study this percentage is 43,4% (see appendix 5.9, page 206). In the latter study only a few foreign women were interviewed, 10% were foreign, 3% came from non-western countries (table 4.1, page 68). In another study the interviewed prostitutes were also asked if they were forced: see Evaluatie opheffing bordeelverbod; de sociale positie van prostituees 2006 ["evaluation lifting the ban on brothels - the social positon of prostitutes 2006"]. Of the 354 prostitutes 8% indicated they had been forced into prostitution. Could this signal a drop in forced prostitution over the years?

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Can't stop!

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I don't know, I just can't stop doing it. Especially with the new attitude that I have.

I just visited another sex worker.

Do I feel guilty? No, the feeling of guilt that I am abusing a person is fading away. I don't worry anymore that the person that I have porn/sex with is trafficked or coerced, because I don't believe in that phenomenon anymore. I'm worrying more about my money. I wonder if it's just worth it. I'm coming more and more to the conclusion that sexuality, or pornography (as the two are actually the same thing because what people do in bed is directly derived from the porn films they see) is just so boring.

What do I like about visiting a sex worker? Actually, for me it's just the excitement to do something transgressive. That's what sexuality or pornography mean to me. I just wonder how people can have porn or sex with each other, without being aroused by the feeling of doing something naughty. Having sex every day must be really boring. When I am in a relationship, I think once every two months would be more than enough for me.

What I also like about visiting a sex worker is the contact that I can make with women that way. Something that in real life I rarely have. It's so nice just to talk to a woman, only if that only takes 15 minutes. The last woman I visited was very nice, it was very cool and a real honour to speak with her. She finds doggystyle the greatest position and she really liked my reproductive organ which wasn't too big nor too small, exactly the right size and beautifully shaped. That's a compliment.

What I also discovered about sexuality=pornography is that it is very difficult to have. The first problem is to get an erection, I regularly lose it during sex, so I often need breaks. The second thing is to get through all the motions. A simple position like the missionary position is a terrible pain in the ass and you'll need some good control over your body to perform this position. The third problem is the problem how to find out what the sexual boundaries are of the person you have sex/porn with. For instance, the last sex worker I visited didn't seem to appreciate my gentle touch of her vagina and she quickly receded, indicating that she didn't want that.

Although my current belief is that sex work (=porn work) is a noble profession, and a dignifying kind of work for young women, I do have to make a remark about the sex work place I visited. On the bar stood a price list (upright, encased in plastic, just like a menu in a restaurant), it read like this:

30 minutes - 80 Euro
45 minutes - 115 Euro
60 minutes - 150 Euro (remember, this is a very classy brothel)
Extra's:
blow job without condom - 35 Euro
anal - 50 Euro (I don't know the exact prices)

So, that must put an enormous pressure on the women to perform these tasks for these prices, even if they don't want to do that in the first place. I asked the sex worker about the price list and she sweared to me that she absolutely never performed blow jobs without protection, except on boyfriends. But the website of the sex work place said she did!!! And a review by a client reveals that actually she did perform a blow job without condom on him. That was really silly.

So, that was just a negative remark. For the rest, sex work is really cool.

What I should do, is just make a lot of female friends and talk with them a lot (because that's what I most long for), and don't go for sex or a relationship.

In the mean time, there's another sex work place that I have my eyes on......... :X

(more reports will follow)